How to become a rapper

The following speech was delivered at a regular Toastmaster’s speech which teaches people how to become a rich rapper.

Thank you madam speaker, fellow toastmasters and guests.

Some of you know me because of the famous Dayal rules – Dayal rule of programming, Dayal rules of investing, Dayal’s laws of daily depression, and of course Dayal’s laws of followership.

Others might know me as the president of the Non-government, non-profit, non-existent think tank called Andrew Kennedy foundation. The motto of Andrew Kennedy Foundation is “Solving global problems – one problem at a time”. The Middle East and the Northern Virginia Traffic congestion are some of the problems that have been solved and presented to the world.

But today, I am standing here to introduce my softer and cultural side – Vicky Dee – Rapper! Under this cool exterior resides a huge volcano of Rap talent that is ready to erupt any moment. You must be wondering – “wait a moment now, this guy can’t speak a line without getting stuck, how can he rap”? Ladies and Gentlemen, let me tell you the intriguing tale of my life and how my career as a rapper is just about to take off.

It all started a few years ago when my niece and nephew started listening to rap. I could not understand how and why they would listen to the almost incomprehensible words. The only words that I could understand were the cuss words. But looking at the heavy gold chains that these dudes were wearing, I realized that this was a very profitable profession. Then one day it struck me! I have been driving in Northern Virginia long enough to know and practise the cuss words, I too could become a rapper! It was time for a new beginning!

The first step towards being a Rap Star is to find a cool name. Since Vanilla Ice, P-Diddy-bop-bo-peep etc. were all taken, I decided upon “Really Cool Vicky Dee”. However, my niece and nephew shortened it down to “Vicky-Dee”.

Now that I had a Rap name, next I needed a producer. Ladies and Gentlemen, finding a Record producer was the toughest part of being a rapper. I went to a countless Toastmaster speeches and completitions – but could not find a single record producer. I was on the verge of a has-almost-been Rap Star when my nephew invited me to his concert in Washington DC. My nephew happens to be a famous cross over rock star called Raghav in London. There I met his producer, who has worked with many famous names including Tina Turner. At the concert, I showed the producer how to do the Gangsta signs – “East Side” and “West Side”. The producer showed me the mid-west sign, so you can see that I now have a producer – well almost.

The next aspect of becoming a rapper is to come up with an entourage or posse. I am currently recruiting. If any of you are interested in showing your muscles and beating up tiny guys – “see me”.

Now regards to coming up with lyrics and songs. I have come up with the title of my first love ballad – “I am waiting in the bathroom for you to drop by”. For my emotion packed numbers I have “Cop killers killer”.  I know Mr. Emenem and their likes profess “freedom of speech” when they profess killing cops or beating up women. In my rap, I will profess the same kind of violence on these people. After all freedom of speech is a two way street – you know.

So ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, I am on the verge of making a new beginning as a Rap Star. I have the sign, the producer and the song – almost. So when you hear about the next Grammy winner – Vicky Dee. You can proudly say – “I heard about the beginning of this career at Toastmasters”

Thank You.

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